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And when the sun sinks, the earth's skin crawls:


I.
I wonder if this awkward creature would notice me the way I notice him.
He's so tragic at his throne
I stare after him longingly.
And yet,
He never realizes that I'm the one
Who forever basks in his brilliant beams.
If only he knew how much brighter he could burn
[with me]
He'd light up the universe.




II.
I heard him speak of thirst, once.
The quenching lust of the stars had run dry.
So that night, I brought along a jar of acid.
(And how it gleamed in his glow).
I handed it to him, wrapped in taffeta ribbons,
screaming
I wish curdling joy
On my gurgling boy


   I love his eyes, now
   Clouded white like milk from a poisoned tree  
   And his throat,
   Swollen and clotted
   And his lips blue as the
   faded heavens
   I try to get him to laugh but
   His body is stuck and
   his bones
   almost fossilized  


And so the poor beast stands paralyzed
While his children rise out of the sea
       enormous wings crackling outwards,
     a new patch of life as
         the soil becomes thick with blood.



III.
When the sun sinks, the earth's skin crawls;
hyper-responsive circuitry
Retrieving, coiling up quickly,
from flowers to the bones of birds-
closing and caving inwards.


A pompous toast to my man in the sky
Drown the last of us but,
You can never give them the thrill
the shriek
the climatic jolt  

that I could.
There wasn't any musical inspiration for this Pfft! I never write in silence.
[link]


I only divided it into parts because it was easier for me to read, and I wanted to be all hoity-toity like those fancy poets.

Does the sudden change of tenses in II. bother you? I'm uncertain.

I kinda had fun with this one.
-
and would like to know how I can improve it.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-10-15
earth circuit by ~IyraEMM ( Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconavalonyoru:
AvalonYoru Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is amazing. Congratz on the DD! The sudden change of tense didn't bother me at all! You could improve it by uh... adding more :)
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
adding more! haha i don't know if i'd be able to say anything more with this. i always did want to look at it again someday & fix a few things though. thanks so much for the comment, happy you like it :hug:
Reply
:iconavalonyoru:
AvalonYoru Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
It's stunning, wish I could write like you :)
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:blush:  you're too kind. :pray:
Reply
:iconthygod:
ThyGod Featured By Owner May 19, 2014  Professional General Artist
I like... want this in a very detailed illuminated page.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i'm not sure i understand?

thanks for reading :)
Reply
:iconthygod:
ThyGod Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Professional General Artist
You know the book of Kells?  It has illustrations and emphasis on certain letters.  It would look pretty done up and put on a wall.  I should do that and send you the file.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
oh wow, that sounds awesome indeed :nod:
Reply
:iconfawnspawn:
fawnspawn Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014
INTENSE! 
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks ^^;
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014   Writer
I adore that opening line.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much :heart: i'm glad you do
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014   Writer
Most welcome.
Reply
:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 29, 2013  Student General Artist
I loved this, the imagery was fantastic. Like it was dripping off the page and becoming something real. The first line hooked me in instantly. <3
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ahh :eager: that makes me happy! Thanks very much for reading!
Reply
:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 30, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome! Thank you for writing such wonderful words! <3
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Don't thank me, it's lots of fun :D
Reply
:iconsutathewolf:
Sutathewolf Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Student General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconlightningidle:
LightningIdle Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I didn't notice the tense change, actually; I thought it was handled very smoothly. Excellent work, nice and dark! :D
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, thanks so very much :nod:
Reply
:iconxxrisingdawnxx:
xXRisingDawnXx Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
who is this guy?
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Whoever you want him to be...?
Reply
:iconxxrisingdawnxx:
xXRisingDawnXx Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
...
Reply
:iconlilithmae1231:
Lilithmae1231 Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Whoa, dark. I likes!
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks very much :D
Reply
:iconlilithmae1231:
Lilithmae1231 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :D
Reply
:iconthesquareroot:
thesquareroot Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"clouded white like milk from a poisoned tree" superb
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! i appreciate you saying so. :nod:
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
When the sun sinks, the earth's skin crawls

Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconis-lnds:
Is-lnds Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
ugh. so good.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i wish you knew how happy that makes me!
Reply
:iconpossumfan:
PossumFan Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really like this! You're a very good writer! :)

+ fave
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awwwww thank you! I'm glad you think so. :bucktooth:
Reply
:iconpossumfan:
PossumFan Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. :3
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Professional Writer
God, this is amazing. Congrats on your DD.
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconilavplz:

Thank you very much! I appreciate it, for really.
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Professional Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconschongslipper:
schongslipper Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This piece is piece beautiful. The transition you describe is slow, so I think the tenses change actually is needed to alert the reader that things are shifting a bit. Let me just say your imagery is beautiful and convincing and breathtaking. It's really one of the things that makes this piece spectacular. My only major objection is your rhythm. I feel like this piece would be better off as prose. There are certainly moments where the meter works well, but the mood and story of the piece to me resonates more as prose. The way it's written, it could go either way. Maybe something you'd want to play around with. Overall, amazing work. And congratulations of the daily deviation =]
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad! :love:
Ah you caught me. My problem with turning my work into prose is that I sort of don't like reading prose. It somehow stops me, and I very rarely would turn anything into prose, haha. I know what you're saying though. I should actually try that out.
Thank you so very much! I really appreciate the nice comment, it makes me very happy :)
Reply
:iconschongslipper:
schongslipper Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome, and good luck! I'd love to see the outcome if you end up changing it at all. I understand what you mean about prose: there's some pieces that seem like they wouldn't work in it, and you may be right.
Reply
:iconthesilverbells:
TheSilverBells Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Such imagery! Wonderful work. :3
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw! Thank you so much! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my goodness. This is unlike anything I've ever read before. Gosh, if there are more poems like yours given DDs, I really need to keep better track! Definitely deserving of multiple reads. It's so delicately woven and captivating.
I really love the descriptions about how you've grown to love his eyes, lips, and throat- like your adoration degenerates as he does.

I cannot even describe the magic you've captured in your words. I'm so lucky to have read this :love:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh gosh! I wish you knew how excited your comment made me :D
Thank you so so much. I really didn't expect a DD for this. And such a nice comment! Thank you :worship: i'm so glad you enjoyed it, made my day.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I would be so happy if I could just read your poems every day for the rest of my life. You have mad talent. I really am anxious to see more c:
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That would make me happy too! And guilty because I'm not that great. But thanks so much. I feel so appreciated :love:
Haha, I don't think the others will be as amazing as you feel this one is.. but eat your heart out :D
Thanks again! Big kiss.
Reply
:icondemonkitsune31:
demonkitsune31 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
beautiful
Reply
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much :nod:
Reply
:iconcrisys1023:
Crisys1023 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I'm thoroughly jealous of your talent.
Reply
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Submitted on
October 5, 2012
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